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YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS

Guiltless Pleasures

Guiltless Pleasures
 
It’s one of the most common responses to this podcast, “Oh yeah? Well what do you listen to?!?” The answer: whatever we want. Only losers sit around feeling guilty about the music they enjoy. Just to prove it, here’s a short playlist of undeniable jams, presented with plenty of the commentary you cherish and expect from your delightful hosts: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5ohcV2LuxGHyS7IXDRGNa2
 
(NOTE: due to the inclusion of songs, this episode is available exclusively on Spotify Spotify Premium users will hear the full songs and everyone with free Spotify accounts will hear only 30 second previews. There is also a reaction video format with commentary interrupting song playback, available below.)
 

Joy Division Sucks

Joy Division Sucks

It is undeniably tragic that so many people believe a trendy t-shirt design equates to good music. And you’d think doing an episode on Tool-for-sad-kids would be too depressing to be anyone’s idea of a good time but this was such a bad “band” on every level that it actually pushes past the bleakness to become hilarious. Make sure you’re ready to never willingly listen to Joy Division again before pressing play.

RIP Music

R.I.P. music

None of your other trusted sources of news were doing their jobs so it’s once more up to the Joint Chiefs of Stuff to come correct with the scoop: music has officially been scheduled for extinction. Oh, you haven’t heard how things are going at Rolling Stone magazine right now? You haven’t figured out why half the bands you see on someone’s t-shirt every time you go outside are selling their publishing catalogs? Well, friends, press play to receive the most critical information download of the year.

Justin Bieber Sucks

Justin Bieber Sucks

“EvERyONe ALrEadY kNoWs juSTin BiEBer suCks!” That’s you. And what you should be doing instead is shutting the hell up and pressing play because a) we’re hilarious and b) you’ll probably learn some stuff, smartypants.

Pearl Jam Sucks

Pearl Jam Sucks
 
First of all, none of you are prepared for how many of your friends are secret Pearl Jam fans. Go look up this band’s sales figures. You think it’s just everyone you’ve never met buying copies of these albums? Wake up, people! Not only is Pearl Jam’s music terrible, they are parasitic masterminds of commerce! The war with TicketMaster was just a smokescreen! All will be revealed…
 
P.S. Anyone else think it’s weird how Eddie Vedder sang about “goin’ hungry” even though he was clearly eating mashed potatoes while recording half his vocal parts on Pearl Jam albums?