Nirvana Sucks

 

Nirvana Sucks

Voted one of the Five Worst Bands of the ’90s by Rolling Stone readers in 2013, Nirvana made what BBC listeners in 2005 considered to be the most overrated album ever, Nevermind. So, it’s not even up to us, the results are in and Nirvana sucks!

You know we have problems with Kurt Cobain being one of the most heralded “songwriters” of the slacker generation. (He’s not even a songwriter, let alone a good one.) You know we have problems with Nirvana biting their sound from better bands. You know we have problems with this whole 27 Club suicide death cult self-selected martyr thing.

But Nirvana was merely a symptom of a much larger problem: grunge. A truly awful cacophony – and dangerous, too! It’s quite possible that grunge killed more people than gangster rap. Anyway, you’re already pissed off about us making this episode, so you may as well listen to it now.

Weezer Sucks

Weezer Sucks

 

If Weezer were a newly discovered animal species, the Latin name would be dorkus malorkus. The only guy in the band who matters thinks songwriting can be done with formulas and spreadsheets. What more do you need to know? How about some nerdy sexism?

Yeah, yeah. You liked this band when you were a teenager. Question: you ever make any other mistakes when you were a teenager? After listening to the evidence in this episode, you should agree with us that Weezer’s existence is nothing more than a giant mistake and it’s time to bring it all to an end.

The Grateful Dead Sucks

The Grateful Dead Sucks

It’s possible The Grateful Dead smelled even worse than they sounded, which is really saying something. Even their fans agree, this band sucks. But let’s be honest, this episode is just as much about trashing hippies as it is about trashing The Grateful Dead. And one of the worst things about hippies is that they think it’s acceptable to listen to The Grateful Dead. It’s not.

The only way anyone tolerated the sound was by being annihilated on drugs. Well, then there’s Ann Coulter…

KISS Sucks

KISS sucks

All these songs sound like a 13 year old boy talking about what he thinks sex would be like and half the merch is marketed at 10 year olds. Who let this happen? Also, is KISS even a band? Because none of them can write, sing or play an instrument.

Oh, yeah, we know your parents let you listen to this when you were a kid. But what we’re saying is they did maybe-irreparable damage to you in doing so and it’s possible that every failed relationship in your life could be this band’s fault. Also, no, this is not genius marketing but good try at skirting the main issue, which is that KISS sucks!

Interpol Sucks

Interpol Sucks

 

Calling Interpol a Joy Division ripoff is so much more than they deserve. Rocking gun holsters onstage seems a lot less cool these days, huh? Yeah, so does this entire band because Interpol sucks!

Learn how to not get on board the wrong hype train!

Find out what “their first album was good but everything after that is bad” really means!

Discover several bands you need to be listening to if you ever thought it was acceptable to own an Interpol album!

Don’t even try to read their lyrics…