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YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS IS BORING IS LOUSY IS AWFUL IS SAD IS LAME

Billy Joel Sucks

Billy Joel Sucks

When you look up the word “hack” in the dictionary, it would be really helpful if they included a picture of Billy Joel, since he is perhaps the most successful hack in the history of recorded music.

Afraid listening to Elton John will turn you gay? Don’t worry, Billy’s tough! Wish you had the pipes to sing along with Nilsson? Simply lower your standards! Speaking of low standards for entertainment, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much fun does a night at a piano bar sound to you? If you said anything higher than 1, there’s a solid chance that Billy Joel is your favorite entertainer! That sucks!

Nickelback Sucks

Nickelback Sucks

In these trying times, it’s important to focus on things that bring us together rather than tear us apart. We need to unite against a common enemy and that enemy is… Nickelback.

At what point do we stop giving our neighbors in The Great White North benefit of the doubt? It can’t be a coincidence that all of the worst music comes from Canada, can it? Rush, Celine Dion, Leonard Cohen. It’s like, what are you people doing up there? You know you’re not supposed to eat the yellow snow, right?

Anyway, once we opened up our Apple Podcast reviews to requests, one band kept popping up again and again. We figured everyone could use a win right now, so… You wanted it, you got: Nickelback Sucks!

P.S. Since we love you so much, we went ahead and filmed the recording session for this one. Watch us on YouTube below!

Arcade Fire Sucks

Arcade Fire Sucks

Is this a band or a sect of Mormonism that worships The Internet? You do kind of want to admire these kids for trying to wage war against music journalists but they should pick on someone their own size next time if they wanna win. Maybe a class of fifth-graders? Also, how is this band NOT from Portland, Oregon?

The official soundtrack of taking a book with you to the bar so everyone knows you plan on being smart someday: Arcade Fire sucks!

Mastodon Sucks

Mastodon Sucks

Remember when everyone asked the left half of a human evolution chart to create the Biff’s Notes version of a Moby Dick audiobook?

Yeah, neither do we. Mastodon sucks.

Coheed and Cambria Sucks

Coheed and Cambria Sucks

Oh, hey, it’s everyone’s favorite soundtrack to a comic book series! Which, turns out, is nobody’s favorite soundtrack to a comic book series because that isn’t a thing anyone wants and this entire idea is terrible.

Look, we’re all about escapist fiction. Your life is trash. We get it. But when it reaches the point of slaughtering babies in outer space, you’ve maybe escaped a little bit too far. Grab a seat and strap in as Mark and Tyler take you to the moon and back to learn how much Coheed and Cambria sucks.

Mini Episode 002: Top 10 Albums of the Decade

Mark and Tyler Read Fan Mail
CREDIT: William DeShazer for The Wall Street Journal

You wanted it, you got it! Well, okay, maybe you didn’t want it but there have certainly been enough idiots who said “Oh YeaH? WHat aRE SoMe oF UR guYs FaVRitE BaNDz?” to justify a Top 10 Albums of the Decade Mini-Episode. Here that is.

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