By pretty much any metric you want to choose, Van Halen was one of the worst bands of all time. This is the soundtrack to getting dumb, being dumb and staying dumb. Literally every fictional band from a movie about a band made better music than Van Halen. This is the musical equivalent of mixing every color of paint in the store together until you end up with brown instead of just buying brown paint.
If you’re anything like us, at some point in the past few years you’ve asked the question “What in the hell is a BTS and why are all these kids talking about it?” Well, the difference between us and you is we are professionals, so we found out what a BTS is and, friends, it is not good. In fact, it’s bad. In fact, it sucks, which means we had to make this episode even if it’s the last thing we do… And there’s a real chance it may be.
Ever since we opened up 5-star reviews on Apple Podcasts to requests, there’ve been a few bands who are by far requested above all others. We can’t do all those episodes right away because you’ve always got to keep the crowd wanting more but, every now and then, it comes time to give the people what they want. Today is one of those days.
And it’s not like this will be a tough episode to do or anything, right? Coldplay is one of the most hated bands in existence. If anything, it almost feels like punching down. Ah, well, it’s a dirty job but someone must do it!
Nobody asked for it but we have to deal with it so now you do, too! Today, Mark and Tyler sit down to read the best YouTube comments left over the past few years. And by “best,” we mean 99% of them are horrible because YouTube comments are one of the worst places on the Internet. Enjoy!
David Bowie is perhaps the most successful con artist of all time. You wanna hear about someone who got away with straight up grifting for like 50 years? Today we’re talking about a guy who probably would have committed infanticide if someone told him it was the only way he could ever become famous. If you’re imagining all the incredibly embarrassing and awful behavior one could expect from a person like that, buddy, it’s worse. David Bowie sucks harder than it should even be possible to suck.
So here’s a thought: you’re legitimately a sadist if this is your favorite band. There has never been a greater real life example of a million monkeys in a room with typewriters accidentally reproducing Shakespeare’s body of work, except The Replacements only took four humans hating how bad they were at life and their instruments for about a decade in order to make whichever four songs you believe justify the rest of this inexcusable career. Imagine being from Minneapolis and having to argue The Clash simply weren’t drunk enough so you can pretend your city matters to the history of rock music.
You assed for it, you got it! Okay, nobody really asked us to do an episode on songs about butts but the response to our Guiltless Pleasures playlist episode was awesome so it’s safe to assume you’re thrilled we went ahead and recorded two experiments in this format. This time we discuss 8 songs instead of just 6, which means this thing is just crammed full of butts. Needless to say, this episode is probably the most NSFW thing we’ve ever done. Enjoy!
Well, well, well… After several years of sidebar potshots in so many episodes, it is finally time for the original fuckboy pop singer to take a turn in the spotlight. And, look, we’re not even going to do that usual thing where we pretend a bunch of fans are going to get pissed off about this because, let’s be honest, everyone in 2021 is deeply aware of how much Frank Sinatra sucks. Anyone still listening to this trash has problems a podcast can’t fix. No, that’s not what we’re here to do today. We’re here to say all the mean things you’ve always wondered why nobody ever said about a talentless hack who absolutely deserves every word of it.
If P.T. Barnum had lived to hear Death Grips, he’d have updated to quote to say there are 10 suckers born every minute because there hasn’t been such a successful grift as this in the music business since at least the Sex Pistols. The “music” is obviously unlistenable because the music is always irrelevant when it comes to bands who get fast-tracked through the hype machine. But Death Grips also sucks for reasons that go so far beyond the music itself. Want to know more? If only there was an episode of a podcast you could listen to about it…
[NOTE: this is the first episode available to paid subscribers in an ad-free version. Even our merch promos are removed from the middle of episodes! There will be ad-free versions of new episodes going forward. At some future point – not soon – we will also create an ad-free version of our entire back catalog. Become a paid subscriber of YFBS here: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/subscribe]
It’s one of the most common responses to this podcast, “Oh yeah? Well what do you listen to?!?” The answer: whatever we want. Only losers sit around feeling guilty about the music they enjoy. Just to prove it, here’s a short playlist of undeniable jams, presented with plenty of the commentary you cherish and expect from your delightful hosts: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5ohcV2LuxGHyS7IXDRGNa2
(NOTE: due to the inclusion of songs, this episode is available exclusively on Spotify Spotify Premium users will hear the full songs and everyone with free Spotify accounts will hear only 30 second previews. There is also a reaction video format with commentary interrupting song playback, available below.)