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YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS

One Simple Step to Being Cooler

April 4, 2019

Look, we already know most everyone you’re going to meet has terrible taste in music. With our scientifically designed merchandise not only will you be the coolest cat in the room, you will almost certainly have at least 1 more friend (especially if they love The Rollings Stones). That is just ONE piece of all that you gain by buying our sweet merchandise. Doubt what we are saying? Buy a shirt and send us a picture of you and your new friends partying in Vegas. You’re a winner and now everyone will know it.

Click HERE just in case you somehow missed the other links from all the excitement of knowing you’re about to be even cooler.

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Sigur Rós Sucks

June 8, 2023
Sigur Ros Sucks

Ever wonder what it would be like if baby talk could become a whole band? Wonder no longer, friends, because it already happened. Some of you already know who Sigur Rós is. (Or, really, at this point, “was.”) The rest of you are going to think Mark and Tyler are entirely fabricating this band from their imaginations. Defying all logic, this was a real thing. In fact, it was a cult and nearly everyone between the ages of 35 – 45 knows at least one person who was in this cult, whether they’d admit it or not. Some of them still have the tattoos. WARNING: this is the closest Mark’s head has ever come to exploding while recording an episode. Press play at your own risk… of laughing your ass off.

A.I. Music Sucks

May 18, 2023
AI music sucks

BREAKING: we interrupt your daily doomscroll with an emergency broadcast addressing the use of A.I. technology in music! It’s impossible to keep up with all the new developments. Every day seems to bring more stories of a new way A.I. is going to change everything we think we know about music by, like, next week. From celebrity impersonations to bringing back the voices of dead legends to ending the careers of pop stars and entirely putting humans out of work – how’s all this stuff actually going to shake out? If only there were two assholes with no reason to avoid saying exactly what needs to be said about the music industry… That’s right, friends! Mark and Tyler are here to answer, well, maybe not all the questions you have but definitely most of the questions smart people should be asking at this moment in history. One thing is for certain, no matter what: A.I. music sucks!

NSYNC Sucks

May 4, 2023
NSYNC sucks

Just when you thought the ’90s Boy Band Fandom Wars were over, the podcast pulls you back in! Take a trip with us to the past. Every college freshman either has frosted tips or a nipple ring – and those are just the guys. The sound blasting out of every dorm room is another slight variation on legitimately the worst-sounding music you’ve ever heard in your life but, for some reason, you’re expected to select and defend one iteration of this evil banality. Who do you choose to stan? Certainly not NSYNC. Even by commercial pop music standards, NSYNC is indefensible. Press play on the episode to hear Mark and Tyler sing parody versions of a bunch of NSYNC songs, stay for the astute breakdown and analysis of some of the most baffling con artistry in the history of the music industry.

Wilco Sucks

April 20, 2023
wilco sucks

 

Look, if you’re not sitting there wondering “who in the hell is Wilco?” then you’re old enough to’ve lived through the press cycle for their Yankee Hotel Foxtrot LP and, for that reason, you always knew to expect this episode. Somehow coasting on twenty-something year old, empty hype, there’s every chance this unbelievably and undeservedly overrated band may still come up in conversation at any moment here in the year 2023. So if music fans everywhere are susceptible to being ambushed into offering an opinion on Wilco, then you’re damn right we’ll dial it all the way back to the beginning and unmake this entire mythology.

Ticketmaster Sucks (and so does Pearl Jam, Taylor Swift, Bruce Springsteen, Radiohead, Beyonce, Metallica…)

April 1, 2023
ticketmaster sucks

“Ooooh, Ticketmaster Sucks… Tell me something I don’t know!” Okay, smart guy. Everyone knows Ticketmaster is everything that’s wrong with the concert industry, right? Well, maybe just go ahead and forget whatever you think you know about how concerts work because the fact is a lot of people have been lying to you for a very long time. Remember how scalpers used bots to get all the good tickets to the concert you wanted to see? Yeah, that’s not what happened. Remember when Ticketmaster forced your favorite band to add outrageously high fees to every ticket you bought? That’s what you’re supposed to believe but it’s not the truth. Or what about the time your favorite band had no choice but to use Ticketmaster if they wanted to tour in decent venues? Oh, honey… Look, it’ll be okay. If you want to know what’s really going down then just press play. Daddy Mark and Daddy Tyler will get you all sorted out.

 

Lynyrd Skynyrd Sucks

December 29, 2022
Lynyrd Skynyrd Sucks

Yep, this is the official favorite band of every moron who wants to yell something at a concert even though they don’t have anything original to say. (Don’t worry about any of them getting mad at this, though. They literally can’t read.) Skynyrd is just one of many reasons it’s too bad there isn’t a fault line along the northern border of Florida that may someday result in an earthquake big enough to send the whole damn state into the ocean. But, hey, looks like global warming is gonna eventually bring the ocean to Florida, so party on! Wooh! NASCAR! Git ‘er dun! Here’s yer sign! Lynyrd Skynyrd sucks!

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