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The Strokes Suck
From a music business standpoint, here’s a textbook example of what not to do.
Those of you who remember how this all went down (and, boy, did it go down), you know why this hilarious history lesson is necessary, even though The Strokes never actually did a single thing that mattered, one single thing to deliver on the hype fabricated around them. Just like they requested, The Strokes are well on their way to ultimately being forgotten.
Dig out your fave vintage t-shirt that you bought on eBay and wear it one more time while we take this little trip down memory lane…
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Phil Collins Sucks
Phil Collins sucks so much that it almost feels mean to make fun of him. But we are mean, so who cares?
We’ll admit that it’s honestly pretty impressive how much of a douchebag this guy is but that’s not enough for us to excuse the sheer amount of terrible music he’s created. If the only song he ever made was “In the Air Tonight,” then he’d probably still deserve an episode because that’s among the actual worst songs that has ever been made by anyone. And that’s only one Phil Collins song.
It’s terrifying to consider how many more episodes of this podcast we could make about him but that’s only to be expected when Ringo Starr is the only drummer in history who is more overrated than Phil.
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Rush Sucks
This is the best Canada can do, huh? You know what? Have this one back. No, no. We’re fine. Honestly. Yes, you seem very polite but you’re clearly trying to convince us that Rush is something other than a Trojan horse to brainwash Americans into acting like even bigger jerks than normal. Get someone smarter than an 8th grader to write the lyrics next time, thanks. The only thing we’re still wondering is why anyone thinks any member of this band is great at their instrument.
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Madonna Sucks: Part 2
Last episode, we went in on Madonna’s lack of originality and talent. Today, we try to understand the why of it all. To what end, all this thievery and stirring up of controversy?
Maybe the answer lies somewhere deep inside “Like a Virgin.” Of course, her illustrious acting career cannot be overlooked. There’s the groundbreaking Ray of Light album. And there’s always, always, some recent example of Madonna doing something even dumber than ever before, such as releasing new music in the year 2019. Madame X needs to X-cuse herself from the spotlight and retire.
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Madonna Sucks
She can’t sing. She can’t dance. She can’t act. She has no personality of her own. There’s a 90% chance anything anyone thinks she deserves credit for is just something they don’t know was done by someone else, first and better.
Can’t figure out what so many people see in Madonna? Trust us, you’re missing nothing. Here’s what it takes to be a Madonna fan: you had to be there and you had to have no awareness that Madonna is the bluntest object in the cutting edge drawer.
Listen and learn.
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Daft Punk Sucks
This might be an episode on Daft Punk and it might not. There’s really no way to know… Okay, fine, it is an episode about how much Daft Punk (or whoever’s underneath those helmets) sucks. Spoiler Alert: it comes down to way more than the helmets.
People who have strong opinions about which Daft Punk album is better than other Daft Punk albums are the same people who have strong opinions about whether Shake Shack burgers are better than In-N-Out burgers. Today, Mark and Tyler are your doctors, here to remind you that all of this crap is terrible for you.
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Blink 182 Sucks
Yes, this is seriously a podcast with an episode where two adult men sit down to have a discussion about the band Blink 182. If that comes as a surprise to you, it’s quite possible you don’t even really understand what this show is about.
Mark and Tyler are on a mission. It’s classified, of course, but there’s more than meets the eye and all is not always as it seems. If it was as simple as saying “Blink 182 sucks” and walking away, all anyone would need to have their own hit podcast is a list of YFBS episode titles. (Go ahead. Give it a try.)
No. There are great, unknowable mysteries in this universe. From flying saucers to Fyre festivals, pop punk takes another turn in the hot seat today – press play.
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Neutral Milk Hotel Sucks
We know many YFBS listeners have never heard of Neutral Milk Hotel. Crib Notes: they made an album that is basically the Catcher in the Rye of indie music (still sells 20k copies a year), which is REALLY WEIRD cuz… Well, just listen to the episode.
Everyone who’s already aware of this band’s existence knows this episode is a candidate for the YFBS Hall of Fame. None of this was ever okay and anyone involved in any way ought to be ashamed of themselves. You know better. Now, press play and take your medicine so maybe we can live in a world where these In the Aeroplane over the Sea men aren’t allowed to get away with this ever again.
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Pink Floyd Sucks
Did we take too much?
Is Pink Floyd really allowed to put the same song on their album three times and not have fans lined up for a refund? Maybe that’s just something you gotta do when your band only came up with two melodies in their whole career. (See also: ten minute sections where nothing happens. See also: an audio-only cooking show where a song should be.)
But none of that explains how Pink Floyd got away with exploiting their first singer’s mental breakdown as source material for Dark Side of the Moon, which has sold HOW MANY COPIES?!?
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REM Sucks
REM is the band that invented Indie Alternative Everything and became The Best American Band Ever, right? Right? Absolutely not. You want to know what really happened here? These guys heard cool records before the other kids did. Such geniuses!
One of the most hilarious things about REM is their fans think this is somehow different than Matchbox 20. But whatever you do, don’t ask one of those same fans about their vintage REM tour t-shirt. Just, trust us. Don’t.
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