Your Favorite Band Sucks

Think you don’t have much to be grateful for this year? Think again! Mark & Tyler are here to save 2020 from the bloody jaws of Christmas with the only holiday tradition that still matters: our annual Christmas Music Sucks episode!

As a cold darkness settles upon the land and trepidation rises in the hearts of a noble proletariat, fear not! Beneath these terrible trappings lay great opportunities and wonderful gifts! (Translation: we finally figured out how to kill off Santa Claus this year. Yeah, it’s pretty chill.)

This one’s on video as well, in case you’d rather watch than listen as these selfless heroes once more rally troops for a War on Christmas.

When we’re talking about a band as insufferable as Aerosmith, you really “don’t wanna miss a thing,” so enjoy the climax of this terrible group’s trilogy: 90s Aerosmith and beyond! Alicia Silverstone’s wedgie! Song doctors! Our review of Armageddon – the movie and real life!

Welcome to Part 2 of the Your Favorite Aerosmith Sucks podcast!

In this installment, Mark helps Tyler through childhood trauma caused by Steven Tyler’s… well, everything about Steven Tyler. Also, everyone who thought the “Walk This Way” collaboration with Run DMC actually mattered was either a dumbass or an executive at MTV (and therefore a dumbass).

Step right up, folks. School is in session.

 

If we had a dollar for every time someone told us to listen to Aerosmith’s early stuff, we’d pay Aerosmith to stop being a band. And they’d take the money. You know why?

The only thing they’ve ever been good at is taking money from idiots.

Aerosmith sucks.

Well, it turns out we weren’t ready for the jelly. Talking about this soap opera of a “group” took longer than we thought it would, so here’s Part 2: The Bootylicious-ing! Can Mark & Tyler prove themselves survivors? Listen and see.

Let’s just say there’s such a thing as your dad being too big of a Jackson 5 fan. There’s also a reason your worst high school girlfriend listened to Destiny’s Child.

Ready for this history lesson on 90s pop? No, you’re not. You could never be ready for us to tell you EVERYTHING THE ILLUMINATI DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW about Destiny’s Child…

You could never be ready for this jelly.

This guy should have been a one-hit wonder and we never should have had to do a single episode about him.

But no…

You people had to start taking him seriously after Odelay and now this is happening: Beck Sucks, Pt. 2: Beck to the Future! Mark & Tyler get into the ridiculous critical acceptance of “Sad Beck,” the Grammy Awards and, inevitably, more Scientology…

Beck is the only argument needed against having respect for 90s pop culture.

This is what every 8th grade boy in America was like before ADHD meds were invented. Beck’s music is what it would sound like if chugging a 3-liter of Surge cola and shooting yourself in the b-hole with a paintball gun was a band. Now add Scientology.

See?

It’s no exaggeration to say this podcast probably wouldn’t exist without the everlasting influence of Ludwig van Beethoven on music…

This guy sucks so much he basically invented it. He sucks so bad it killed classical music entirely – which is actually pretty awesome, not gonna lie. Beethoven sucks so hard we had to make this long episode AND A NEW T-SHIRT about it…

Click on Tyler’s original artwork below to pre-order the new shirt while you listen:

This is what happens when you’re too ugly for hair metal. Honestly, the guys in Pantera should have worn more makeup if they wanted to record a soundtrack to the evil western KISS would have made if they were actually badass. Then they had to go and single-handedly destroy the genre of metal. Thanks, guys.

Pantera sucks.