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YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS IS BORING IS LOUSY IS AWFUL IS SAD IS LAME

One Simple Step to Being Cooler

April 4, 2019

Look, we already know most everyone you’re going to meet has terrible taste in music. With our scientifically designed merchandise not only will you be the coolest cat in the room, you will almost certainly have at least 1 more friend (especially if they love The Rollings Stones). That is just ONE piece of all that you gain by buying our sweet merchandise. Doubt what we are saying? Buy a shirt and send us a picture of you and your new friends partying in Vegas. You’re a winner and now everyone will know it.

Click HERE just in case you somehow missed the other links from all the excitement of knowing you’re about to be even cooler.

The Cure Sucks

May 19, 2022

If only you’d thought of the right words to say, you could have prevented us from doing this episode. Unfortunately, your favorite band is The Cure, which means you know exactly how much you deserve the punishment you’re in store for today. What will it be, then? Cherrypicking and criticizing a few songs the fans don’t even really like? Spending the whole episode talking about which brand of lipstick Robert Smith uses? Calling Morrissey the superior lyricist? You know you’re not getting off that easy. Go ahead and call in sick for work tomorrow, this is going to hurt.

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Black Flag Sucks

December 30, 2021
Black Flag Sucks

You’re not alone and you’re not crazy. All anyone has to do is listen to any 5 Black Flag songs to confirm this has always been a terrible band. Everybody’s just afraid to say it.

Maybe since you can’t leave your house without seeing that logo, everyone assumes a ton of people must be listening to the band? Well, they’re not. Nobody likes this music. (Except for Grateful Dead fans but you can’t trust them.)

Who is worse? Black Flag or The Rolling Stones?

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Ryan Adams Sucks

December 16, 2021
Ryan Adams Sucks

Is Ryan Adams’ music great? Or was he the guy who paved the way for Ed Sheeran? If only there were two professional music listeners to lay out the answers! Oh, wait, that’s us. This is the first episode we almost titled “Ryan Adams Sucked,” past tense, because we’re about to prosecute this dude’s entire career into oblivion.

Not sure how you decide in a battle of Oasis vs Ryan Adams but it’s worth a discussion.

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Van Halen Sucks

December 2, 2021

Van Halen Sucks

By pretty much any metric you want to choose, Van Halen was one of the worst bands of all time. This is the soundtrack to getting dumb, being dumb and staying dumb. Literally every fictional band from a movie about a band made better music than Van Halen. This is the musical equivalent of mixing every color of paint in the store together until you end up with brown instead of just buying brown paint.

The fact that we did BTS Sucks right before this episode is by far the best part of this podcast. We cover ALL the bases on this show.

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BTS Sucks

November 18, 2021

BTS sucks

If you’re anything like us, at some point in the past few years you’ve asked the question “What in the hell is a BTS and why are all these kids talking about it?” Well, the difference between us and you is we are professionals, so we found out what a BTS is and, friends, it is not good. In fact, it’s bad. In fact, it sucks, which means we had to make this episode even if it’s the last thing we do… And there’s a real chance it may be.

If you like this episode you should also check out our Coldplay episode. Good luck out there.

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Coldplay Sucks

November 4, 2021

Coldplay Sucks

Ever since we opened up 5-star reviews on Apple Podcasts to requests, there’ve been a few bands who are by far requested above all others. We can’t do all those episodes right away because you’ve always got to keep the crowd wanting more but, every now and then, it comes time to give the people what they want. Today is one of those days.

And it’s not like this will be a tough episode to do or anything, right? Coldplay is one of the most hated bands in existence. If anything, it almost feels like punching down. Ah, well, it’s a dirty job but someone must do it!

 

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