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YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS IS BORING IS LOUSY IS AWFUL IS SAD IS LAME

One Simple Step to Being Cooler

April 4, 2019

Look, we already know most everyone you’re going to meet has terrible taste in music. With our scientifically designed merchandise not only will you be the coolest cat in the room, you will almost certainly have at least 1 more friend (especially if they love The Rollings Stones). That is just ONE piece of all that you gain by buying our sweet merchandise. Doubt what we are saying? Buy a shirt and send us a picture of you and your new friends partying in Vegas. You’re a winner and now everyone will know it.

Click HERE just in case you somehow missed the other links from all the excitement of knowing you’re about to be even cooler.

AC/DC Sucks

June 16, 2022

AC/DC Sucks

How shocked would you be if anyone in this band was able to explain to explain alternating or direct currents? That’s right, folks. AC/DC is the soundtrack of being a complete dumbass. If chimpanzees could make rock music, it would be smarter than AC/DC. Actually, wait… Has anyone ever tried to teach an ape to play drums? An orangutan could for sure do Phil Rudd’s job. Okay, we’re gonna look into this just as soon as the episode is over.

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Phish Sucks

June 2, 2022

A lot of people have asked us why Phish wasn’t the very first episode of this podcast. Well, do you really need us to tell you that Phish is one of the worst bands on the planet? No, you don’t. What you need is for us to tell you why Phish is one of the worst bands on the planet, so that’s exactly and comprehensively what we’re going to do. Find somewhere a little more comfortable than the ground to sit down. We’re gonna be here for a while.

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The Cure Sucks

May 19, 2022

If only you’d thought of the right words to say, you could have prevented us from doing this episode. Unfortunately, your favorite band is The Cure, which means you know exactly how much you deserve the punishment you’re in store for today. What will it be, then? Cherrypicking and criticizing a few songs the fans don’t even really like? Spending the whole episode talking about which brand of lipstick Robert Smith uses? Calling Morrissey the superior lyricist? You know you’re not getting off that easy. Go ahead and call in sick for work tomorrow, this is going to hurt.

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Black Flag Sucks

December 30, 2021
Black Flag Sucks

You’re not alone and you’re not crazy. All anyone has to do is listen to any 5 Black Flag songs to confirm this has always been a terrible band. Everybody’s just afraid to say it.

Maybe since you can’t leave your house without seeing that logo, everyone assumes a ton of people must be listening to the band? Well, they’re not. Nobody likes this music. (Except for Grateful Dead fans but you can’t trust them.)

Who is worse? Black Flag or The Rolling Stones?

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Ryan Adams Sucks

December 16, 2021
Ryan Adams Sucks

Is Ryan Adams’ music great? Or was he the guy who paved the way for Ed Sheeran? If only there were two professional music listeners to lay out the answers! Oh, wait, that’s us. This is the first episode we almost titled “Ryan Adams Sucked,” past tense, because we’re about to prosecute this dude’s entire career into oblivion.

Not sure how you decide in a battle of Oasis vs Ryan Adams but it’s worth a discussion.

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Van Halen Sucks

December 2, 2021

Van Halen Sucks

By pretty much any metric you want to choose, Van Halen was one of the worst bands of all time. This is the soundtrack to getting dumb, being dumb and staying dumb. Literally every fictional band from a movie about a band made better music than Van Halen. This is the musical equivalent of mixing every color of paint in the store together until you end up with brown instead of just buying brown paint.

The fact that we did BTS Sucks right before this episode is by far the best part of this podcast. We cover ALL the bases on this show.

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