Led Zeppelin Sucks

Led Zeppelin Sucks

The band that committed every crime in the Rock & Roll Rule Book…

If there’s been a worse influence on rock vocalists than Robert Plant, please remember that Janis Joplin is too annoying to even think about, let alone bring into this conversation. Someone should really go back and look at how much the transmission rate of STDs in middle schools rose every year that Jimmy Page toured the United States. John Bonham is a legend among people who get excited about things like hitting stuff real hard. And you’ll just have to listen to the episode to hear what we have to say about John Paul Jones a.k.a. The Other Guy in This Band.

Rightly panned by critics at nearly every point of their career, loathed by their peers, perpetrators of the actual worst radio ballad of all time – Led Zeppelin Sucks!

Nine Inch Nails Sucks

Nine Inch Nails Sucks

This is the McDonald’s of goth culture. Goth Daddy Too Buff (a.k.a. Trent Reznor) has been cashing in on teen angst for thirty freakin’ years. Think about that for a second. This is a 50-year-old man who’s monetized temper tantrums. Give us a break.

Mark likes to refer to Nine Inch Nails as “Ministry Jr.” because NIN rips off Ministry so hard that they even went through a phase of being an extremely campy new wave project before getting all dark and dressing like it’s Mad Max out here. Oh, but then there’s Skinny Puppy… And New Order… And, just, come on, Nine Inch Nails sucks.

Smashing Pumpkins Suck

Smashing Pumpkins Suck

First of all, this isn’t a band. It’s Billy Corgan going into a studio and recording 100 guitar tracks per song, then whispering half his vocals before eating a bunch of broken glass and recording the other half. You’re not Kevin Shields, man. Chill.

Next, this episode contains a shocking revelation about the music of Smashing Pumpkins. It’s honestly so important that it could end up in the viral news cycle. But until Buzzfeed rips off our insights, you’ll just have to listen to the episode to hear it.

The Smashing Pumpkins suck.

The Doors Suck

The Doors Suck

The Doors are the musical equivalent of a 20-year-old who’s taken five guitar lessons and one philosophy class. That’s gonna seem pretty far ahead of where you are when you’re 15. You’re not 15. Stop listening to this band.

This is also a great example of why automatically respecting your elders is such an inherently stupid concept. How are we supposed to respect the generation that let this band become one of the most overhyped bands to ever exist?

The Doors suck.

The Smiths Suck

The Smiths Suck

Everyone likes The Smiths because it’s super impressive that Morrissey, clearly a deaf man, can approximate singing, right? Also, guess what, it ain’t just Morrissey. This entire band is the worst.

Are The Smiths influential?

Sure.

Are any of the bands they influenced good, like, even a little bit?

Absolutely not.

Go back in time, make The Smiths not happen and everything that later instantly gets 10% better. Duran Duran were a better band and it’s not even close. Get ready to get sad about how much The Smiths suck.

 

P.S. This episode featured a small clip of The Smithsfits, which is better than The Smiths and The Misfits combined. Go check out The Smithsfits on Soundcloud!