Joy Division Sucks

Joy Division Sucks

It is undeniably tragic that so many people believe a trendy t-shirt design equates to good music. And you’d think doing an episode on Tool-for-sad-kids would be too depressing to be anyone’s idea of a good time but this was such a bad “band” on every level that it actually pushes past the bleakness to become hilarious. Make sure you’re ready to never willingly listen to Joy Division again before pressing play.

Johnny Cash Sucks

Johnny Cash Sucks

Oh, calm down. What, did you think we weren’t ever gonna get around to country music’s one-man combination of The Beatles and the Sex Pistols? Even if this podcast didn’t have a resident country music expert and even if Johnny Cash had never worked with Rick Rubin or written that song for Nine Inch Nails, we’d still have to do an episode on him just because of how purely and objectively he sucks. If Johnny Cash is your favorite singer, you definitely like “badass” t-shirts more than you like music.

RIP Music

R.I.P. music

None of your other trusted sources of news were doing their jobs so it’s once more up to the Joint Chiefs of Stuff to come correct with the scoop: music has officially been scheduled for extinction. Oh, you haven’t heard how things are going at Rolling Stone magazine right now? You haven’t figured out why half the bands you see on someone’s t-shirt every time you go outside are selling their publishing catalogs? Well, friends, press play to receive the most critical information download of the year.

Justin Bieber Sucks

Justin Bieber Sucks

“EvERyONe ALrEadY kNoWs juSTin BiEBer suCks!” That’s you. And what you should be doing instead is shutting the hell up and pressing play because a) we’re hilarious and b) you’ll probably learn some stuff, smartypants.

Pearl Jam Sucks

Pearl Jam Sucks
First of all, none of you are prepared for how many of your friends are secret Pearl Jam fans. Go look up this band’s sales figures. You think it’s just everyone you’ve never met buying copies of these albums? Wake up, people! Not only is Pearl Jam’s music terrible, they are parasitic masterminds of commerce! The war with TicketMaster was just a smokescreen! All will be revealed…
P.S. Anyone else think it’s weird how Eddie Vedder sang about “goin’ hungry” even though he was clearly eating mashed potatoes while recording half his vocal parts on Pearl Jam albums?

P.P.S. You can watch our recording session for this episode here:

Christmas Music Sucks: Part 4

Christmas Music Sucks Part 4

Think you don’t have much to be grateful for this year? Think again! Mark & Tyler are here to save 2020 from the bloody jaws of Christmas with the only holiday tradition that still matters: our annual Christmas Music Sucks episode!

As a cold darkness settles upon the land and trepidation rises in the hearts of a noble proletariat, fear not! Beneath these terrible trappings lay great opportunities and wonderful gifts! (Translation: we finally figured out how to kill off Santa Claus this year. Yeah, it’s pretty chill.)

This one’s on video as well, in case you’d rather watch than listen as these selfless heroes once more rally troops for a War on Christmas.

Aerosmith Sucks: Part 3

Aerosmith Sucks Part 3

When we’re talking about a band as insufferable as Aerosmith, you really “don’t wanna miss a thing,” so enjoy the climax of this terrible group’s trilogy: 90s Aerosmith and beyond! Alicia Silverstone’s wedgie! Song doctors! Our review of Armageddon – the movie and real life!

Aerosmith Sucks: Part 2

Aerosmith Sucks Part 2

Welcome to Part 2 of the Your Favorite Aerosmith Sucks podcast!

In this installment, Mark helps Tyler through childhood trauma caused by Steven Tyler’s… well, everything about Steven Tyler. Also, everyone who thought the “Walk This Way” collaboration with Run DMC actually mattered was either a dumbass or an executive at MTV (and therefore a dumbass).

Step right up, folks. School is in session.

Aerosmith Sucks

Aerosmith Sucks

 

If we had a dollar for every time someone told us to listen to Aerosmith’s early stuff, we’d pay Aerosmith to stop being a band. And they’d take the money. You know why?

The only thing they’ve ever been good at is taking money from idiots.

Aerosmith sucks.