Sigur Rós Sucks

Sigur Ros Sucks

Ever wonder what it would be like if baby talk could become a whole band? Wonder no longer, friends, because it already happened. Some of you already know who Sigur Rós is. (Or, really, at this point, “was.”) The rest of you are going to think Mark and Tyler are entirely fabricating this band from their imaginations. Defying all logic, this was a real thing. In fact, it was a cult and nearly everyone between the ages of 35 – 45 knows at least one person who was in this cult, whether they’d admit it or not. Some of them still have the tattoos. WARNING: this is the closest Mark’s head has ever come to exploding while recording an episode. Press play at your own risk… of laughing your ass off.

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A.I. Music Sucks

AI music sucks

BREAKING: we interrupt your daily doomscroll with an emergency broadcast addressing the use of A.I. technology in music! It’s impossible to keep up with all the new developments. Every day seems to bring more stories of a new way A.I. is going to change everything we think we know about music by, like, next week. From celebrity impersonations to bringing back the voices of dead legends to ending the careers of pop stars and entirely putting humans out of work – how’s all this stuff actually going to shake out? If only there were two assholes with no reason to avoid saying exactly what needs to be said about the music industry… That’s right, friends! Mark and Tyler are here to answer, well, maybe not all the questions you have but definitely most of the questions smart people should be asking at this moment in history. One thing is for certain, no matter what: A.I. music sucks!

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NSYNC Sucks

NSYNC sucks

Just when you thought the ’90s Boy Band Fandom Wars were over, the podcast pulls you back in! Take a trip with us to the past. Every college freshman either has frosted tips or a nipple ring – and those are just the guys. The sound blasting out of every dorm room is another slight variation on legitimately the worst-sounding music you’ve ever heard in your life but, for some reason, you’re expected to select and defend one iteration of this evil banality. Who do you choose to stan? Certainly not NSYNC. Even by commercial pop music standards, NSYNC is indefensible. Press play on the episode to hear Mark and Tyler sing parody versions of a bunch of NSYNC songs, stay for the astute breakdown and analysis of some of the most baffling con artistry in the history of the music industry.

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Wilco Sucks

wilco sucks

 

Look, if you’re not sitting there wondering “who in the hell is Wilco?” then you’re old enough to’ve lived through the press cycle for their Yankee Hotel Foxtrot LP and, for that reason, you always knew to expect this episode. Somehow coasting on twenty-something year old, empty hype, there’s every chance this unbelievably and undeservedly overrated band may still come up in conversation at any moment here in the year 2023. So if music fans everywhere are susceptible to being ambushed into offering an opinion on Wilco, then you’re damn right we’ll dial it all the way back to the beginning and unmake this entire mythology.

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Ticketmaster Sucks (and so does Pearl Jam, Taylor Swift, Bruce Springsteen, Radiohead, Beyonce, Metallica…)

ticketmaster sucks

“Ooooh, Ticketmaster Sucks… Tell me something I don’t know!” Okay, smart guy. Everyone knows Ticketmaster is everything that’s wrong with the concert industry, right? Well, maybe just go ahead and forget whatever you think you know about how concerts work because the fact is a lot of people have been lying to you for a very long time. Remember how scalpers used bots to get all the good tickets to the concert you wanted to see? Yeah, that’s not what happened. Remember when Ticketmaster forced your favorite band to add outrageously high fees to every ticket you bought? That’s what you’re supposed to believe but it’s not the truth. Or what about the time your favorite band had no choice but to use Ticketmaster if they wanted to tour in decent venues? Oh, honey… Look, it’ll be okay. If you want to know what’s really going down then just press play. Daddy Mark and Daddy Tyler will get you all sorted out.

 

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Lynyrd Skynyrd Sucks

Lynyrd Skynyrd Sucks

Yep, this is the official favorite band of every moron who wants to yell something at a concert even though they don’t have anything original to say. (Don’t worry about any of them getting mad at this, though. They literally can’t read.) Skynyrd is just one of many reasons it’s too bad there isn’t a fault line along the northern border of Florida that may someday result in an earthquake big enough to send the whole damn state into the ocean. But, hey, looks like global warming is gonna eventually bring the ocean to Florida, so party on! Wooh! NASCAR! Git ‘er dun! Here’s yer sign! Lynyrd Skynyrd sucks!

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Cat Stevens Sucks

Cat Stevens Sucks

Settle in, young ‘uns, and listen to a tale about the time an entire generation of rubes fell for the nonsense nursery rhyme stylings of a faux hippie who literally woke up one day and used his adult brain to decide his name should be Cat Stevens. How many times do you think this guy was called “a genius” in the 1970s? It doesn’t even matter because if it only happened once that’s still twice as many times as it should’ve been. Anyway, tune in to the episode for a quick education on why Cat Stevens sucks!


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Christmas Music Sucks: Part 5

Christmas Music Sucks Part 5

Life happens so we had to skip the last one but the traditional YFBS anti-Christmas episode is needed this year more than ever. Question: how many of you at this point in 2022 feel like you’ve already had Christmas marketed to you for two entire months and we still have most of December to go before it’s finally over? Well that’s because it’s exactly what happened and your favorite workshop elves are here to dutifully break down the bullshittery of it all in an epic and timely fashion. Enough is enough! Stop the madness! Christmas music sucks!


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Dream Theater Sucks

Dream Theater Sucks

 

We disperse this episode unto the wilderness not so that we may receive countless responses from peasants who “never even heard of these guys lol” and somehow believe that means they should be doing anything other than shutting the hell up when kings do talk of music. Nay! This broadcast shall transmit throughout the land for all who have likewise suffered the presence of yon unwashed hessians so bold as to claim this alleged Dream Theater be of utmost musical quality. And hasten ye not for to smirk, as these common folk surely do say so but never in jest.

By the way, who told the singer of this band that being in Steroid Rush means he’s allowed to wear leather pants? Because as uncool as it is for anyone not named Axl Rose to wear leather pants, “singer of Dream Theater in leather pants” makes literally every other person on the planet seem as cool as Bruce Lee in the year 1972.

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Bon Iver Sucks

Bon Iver Sucks

 

According to certain ancient pagan religions, bon iver translates to “world ender,” which is fitting because this dude has single-handedly destroyed like three different genres of music – and he only had to sacrifice five or six elk in the middle of a frozen forest to do it! Have you ever wondered what would happen if you stared at laptop while mouth-breathing into a microphone for months on end waiting for an album to show up out of nowhere? Well, this guy did and apparently people love that shit because now everything with an acoustic guitar in it sounds approximately this bad or worse.

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