Your Favorite Band Sucks

Yes, this is seriously a podcast with an episode where two adult men sit down to have a discussion about the band Blink 182. If that comes as a surprise to you, it’s quite possible you don’t even really understand what this show is about.

Mark and Tyler are on a mission. It’s classified, of course, but there’s more than meets the eye and all is not always as it seems. If it was as simple as saying “Blink 182 sucks” and walking away, all anyone would need to have their own hit podcast is a list of YFBS episode titles. (Go ahead. Give it a try.)

No. There are great, unknowable mysteries in this universe. From flying saucers to Fyre festivals, pop punk takes another turn in the hot seat today – press play.

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We know many YFBS listeners have never heard of Neutral Milk Hotel. Crib Notes: they made an album that is basically the Catcher in the Rye of indie music (still sells 20k copies a year), which is REALLY WEIRD cuz… Well, just listen to the episode.

Everyone who’s already aware of this band’s existence knows this episode is a candidate for the YFBS Hall of Fame. None of this was ever okay and anyone involved in any way ought to be ashamed of themselves. You know better. Now, press play and take your medicine so maybe we can live in a world where these In the Aeroplane over the Sea men aren’t allowed to get away with this ever again.

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Did we take too much?

Is Pink Floyd really allowed to put the same song on their album three times and not have fans lined up for a refund? Maybe that’s just something you gotta do when your band only came up with two melodies in their whole career. (See also: ten minute sections where nothing happens. See also: an audio-only cooking show where a song should be.)

But none of that explains how Pink Floyd got away with exploiting their first singer’s mental breakdown as source material for Dark Side of the Moon, which has sold HOW MANY COPIES?!?

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REM is the band that invented Indie Alternative Everything and became The Best American Band Ever, right? Right? Absolutely not. You want to know what really happened here? These guys heard cool records before the other kids did. Such geniuses!

One of the most hilarious things about REM is their fans think this is somehow different than Matchbox 20. But whatever you do, don’t ask one of those same fans about their vintage REM tour t-shirt. Just, trust us. Don’t.

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Christmas music is literally the worst. If you hate it, you’re probably having an awful day right now. Here’s a surprise, unannounced episode about how much Christmas music sucks. It’s also the longest episode we’ve ever made. Laugh it off.

Yeah, we already made an episode about Christmas music. It was the third one. We remember. But that’s how much Christmas music sucks! We can and will go back, time and again, to this endless wellspring of evil! This year, every band covered on the show so far has to answer for their crimes in the genre and we take a deeper look at the history of this most awful of holidays!

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Surprising nobody, Metallica is a band that has done entirely too many bad and stupid things to fit them all in one episode.

Need more reasons why Metallica sucks?

Here’s our Part Two!

Last week, Mark and Tyler got into how this Metallica mess was made – not a safe space for Megadeth fans – as well as Lars’ war on Napster. This week, it’s a deep dive into Post-Haircut Metallica. Or as deep as you can go with these mental giants…

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Honestly, we don’t even have to pitch this one. Metallica sucks. There’s no such thing as a Metallica fan who hasn’t felt screwed over and/or disappointed in this band.

Hey, remember when Metallica made the Worst Album Ever?

Here’s the problem: there are at least 3 separate Metallica albums you could assume that last sentence was about. This band is way past its expiration date and never should’ve been allowed to exist in the first place. Ripping off less successful bands, treating each other like human excrement, suing their fans… these guys have done it all!

Press play on the episode and bask in sweet, sweet truth… before Lars sues us.

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Modest Mouse is the audio equivalent of not having enough blankets in the desert at night while high on ketamine: uncomfortable, unpleasant and very confusing. Good news for people who love bad lyrics and guitars that sound like pinwheels.

You just know this dude would start a cult if he ever accidentally figured out how to say something interesting. Modest Mouse is actually a pretty fitting band name. This is about as timid as neurotic gets, right? Or is it as neurotic as timid gets? Holy crap, are we accidentally writing Modest Mouse lyrics right now?!

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Practically no one would attempt to defend Stone Temple Pilots at their worst (“Sour Girl”). But if you’re warming up an argument for Core being a total classic, then you’re going to want to pump the brakes and hit play on this episode, immediately.

These guitar riffs are your favorite guitar riffs if the only guitar you’ve ever owned is a Guitar Hero controller. All the lipstick and thrift store cashmere in the world couldn’t replace Scott Weiland’s lack of anything interesting (or even coherent) to say. Much like the ’90s, this band was always so much worse than you’re remembering.

If Stone Temple Pilots are any indication, the surest route to financial success and career longevity is to never, not even for a second, display any degree of originality in your music.

Is this the best band of rock’s worst hour? You be the judge…

Trigger Warning: there is a lot of extremely accurate and, therefore, terrible singing in this episode. Also, the guys talk about Christmas music.

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