YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS IS BORING IS LOUSY IS AWFUL IS SAD IS LAME

Guiltless Pleasures

Joy Division Sucks

It is undeniably tragic that so many people believe a trendy t-shirt design equates to good music. And you’d think doing an episode on Tool-for-sad-kids would be too depressing to be anyone’s idea of a good time but this was such a bad “band” on every level that it actually pushes past the bleakness to become hilarious. Make sure you’re ready to never willingly listen to Joy Division again before pressing play.

Johnny Cash Sucks

Oh, calm down. What, did you think we weren’t ever gonna get around to country music’s one-man combination of The Beatles and the Sex Pistols? Even if this podcast didn’t have a resident country music expert and even if Johnny Cash had never worked with Rick Rubin or written that song for Nine Inch Nails, we’d still have to do an episode on him just because of how purely and objectively he sucks. If Johnny Cash is your favorite singer, you definitely like “badass” t-shirts more than you like music.

RIP Music

None of your other trusted sources of news were doing their jobs so it’s once more up to the Joint Chiefs of Stuff to come correct with the scoop: music has officially been scheduled for extinction. Oh, you haven’t heard how things are going at Rolling Stone magazine right now? You haven’t figured out why half the bands you see on someone’s t-shirt every time you go outside are selling their publishing catalogs? Well, friends, press play to receive the most critical information download of the year.

Justin Bieber Sucks

“EvERyONe ALrEadY kNoWs juSTin BiEBer suCks!” That’s you. And what you should be doing instead is shutting the hell up and pressing play because a) we’re hilarious and b) you’ll probably learn some stuff, smartypants.