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YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS

Beck Sucks: Part 2

Beck Sucks Part 2

This guy should have been a one-hit wonder and we never should have had to do a single episode about him.

But no…

You people had to start taking him seriously after Odelay and now this is happening: Beck Sucks, Pt. 2: Beck to the Future! Mark & Tyler get into the ridiculous critical acceptance of “Sad Beck,” the Grammy Awards and, inevitably, more Scientology…

Beck Sucks

Beck Sucks

Beck is the only argument needed against having respect for 90s pop culture.

This is what every 8th grade boy in America was like before ADHD meds were invented. Beck’s music is what it would sound like if chugging a 3-liter of Surge cola and shooting yourself in the b-hole with a paintball gun was a band. Now add Scientology.

See?

Beethoven Sucks

Beethoven Sucks

It’s no exaggeration to say this podcast probably wouldn’t exist without the everlasting influence of Ludwig van Beethoven on music…

This guy sucks so much he basically invented it. He sucks so bad it killed classical music entirely – which is actually pretty awesome, not gonna lie. Beethoven sucks so hard we had to make this long episode AND A NEW T-SHIRT about it…

Click on Tyler’s original artwork below to pre-order the new shirt while you listen:

Beethoven Sucks t-shirt

Pantera Sucks

Pantera Sucks

This is what happens when you’re too ugly for hair metal. Honestly, the guys in Pantera should have worn more makeup if they wanted to record a soundtrack to the evil western KISS would have made if they were actually badass. Then they had to go and single-handedly destroy the genre of metal. Thanks, guys.

Pantera sucks.

Billy Joel Sucks: Part 2

Billy Joel Sucks Part 2

The suck level in Billy Joel’s career was simply too much to cram everything in one episode, so Mark and Tyler came back for seconds. Since you people let this guy have somewhere close to a dozen Top 10 pop songs, quite a few of those need to be discussed at length.*

Just like every great sequel, it’s everything you loved about the first one… but more! The generation gap gets wider! Billy Joel gets richer and further out of touch! The ripoffs get ripped offer! We finally start the fire!

*The album version of “Piano Man” is nearly six minutes long.

Billy Joel Sucks

Billy Joel Sucks

When you look up the word “hack” in the dictionary, it would be really helpful if they included a picture of Billy Joel, since he is perhaps the most successful hack in the history of recorded music.

Afraid listening to Elton John will turn you gay? Don’t worry, Billy’s tough! Wish you had the pipes to sing along with Nilsson? Simply lower your standards! Speaking of low standards for entertainment, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much fun does a night at a piano bar sound to you? If you said anything higher than 1, there’s a solid chance that Billy Joel is your favorite entertainer! That sucks!