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YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS IS BORING IS LOUSY IS AWFUL IS SAD IS LAME

Pink Floyd Sucks

Pink Floyd Sucks

Did we take too much?

Is Pink Floyd really allowed to put the same song on their album three times and not have fans lined up for a refund? Maybe that’s just something you gotta do when your band only came up with two melodies in their whole career. (See also: ten minute sections where nothing happens. See also: an audio-only cooking show where a song should be.)

But none of that explains how Pink Floyd got away with exploiting their first singer’s mental breakdown as source material for Dark Side of the Moon, which has sold HOW MANY COPIES?!?

REM Sucks

REM Sucks

REM is the band that invented Indie Alternative Everything and became The Best American Band Ever, right? Right? Absolutely not. You want to know what really happened here? These guys heard cool records before the other kids did. Such geniuses!

One of the most hilarious things about REM is their fans think this is somehow different than Matchbox 20. But whatever you do, don’t ask one of those same fans about their vintage REM tour t-shirt. Just, trust us. Don’t.

One Simple Step to Being Cooler

Look, we already know most everyone you’re going to meet has terrible taste in music. With our scientifically designed merchandise not only will you be the coolest cat in the room, you will almost certainly have at least 1 more friend (especially if they love The Rollings Stones). That is just ONE piece of all that you gain by buying our sweet merchandise. Doubt what we are saying? Buy a shirt and send us a picture of you and your new friends partying in Vegas. You’re a winner and now everyone will know it.

Click HERE just in case you somehow missed the other links from all the excitement of knowing you’re about to be even cooler.

Christmas Music Sucks: Part Two

Christmas Music Sucks: Part Two

Christmas music is literally the worst. If you hate it, you’re probably having an awful day right now. Here’s a surprise, unannounced episode about how much Christmas music sucks. It’s also the longest episode we’ve ever made. Laugh it off.

Yeah, we already made an episode about Christmas music. It was the third one. We remember. But that’s how much Christmas music sucks! We can and will go back, time and again, to this endless wellspring of evil! This year, every band covered on the show so far has to answer for their crimes in the genre and we take a deeper look at the history of this most awful of holidays!

Metallica Sucks: Part Two

Metallica Sucks Art

Surprising nobody, Metallica is a band that has done entirely too many bad and stupid things to fit them all in one episode.

Need more reasons why Metallica sucks?

Here’s our Part Two!

Last week, Mark and Tyler got into how this Metallica mess was made – not a safe space for Megadeth fans – as well as Lars’ war on Napster. This week, it’s a deep dive into Post-Haircut Metallica. Or as deep as you can go with these mental giants…

Metallica Sucks

Metallica Sucks

Honestly, we don’t even have to pitch this one. Metallica sucks. There’s no such thing as a Metallica fan who hasn’t felt screwed over and/or disappointed in this band.

Hey, remember when Metallica made the Worst Album Ever?

Here’s the problem: there are at least 3 separate Metallica albums you could assume that last sentence was about. This band is way past its expiration date and never should’ve been allowed to exist in the first place. Ripping off less successful bands, treating each other like human excrement, suing their fans… these guys have done it all!

Press play on the episode and bask in sweet, sweet truth… before Lars sues us.

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