The Doors Suck

The Doors Suck

The Doors are the musical equivalent of a 20-year-old who’s taken five guitar lessons and one philosophy class. That’s gonna seem pretty far ahead of where you are when you’re 15. You’re not 15. Stop listening to this band.

This is also a great example of why automatically respecting your elders is such an inherently stupid concept. How are we supposed to respect the generation that let this band become one of the most overhyped bands to ever exist?

The Doors suck.

The Smiths Suck

The Smiths Suck

Everyone likes The Smiths because it’s super impressive that Morrissey, clearly a deaf man, can approximate singing, right? Also, guess what, it ain’t just Morrissey. This entire band is the worst.

Are The Smiths influential?

Sure.

Are any of the bands they influenced good, like, even a little bit?

Absolutely not.

Go back in time, make The Smiths not happen and everything that later instantly gets 10% better. Duran Duran were a better band and it’s not even close. Get ready to get sad about how much The Smiths suck.

 

P.S. This episode featured a small clip of The Smithsfits, which is better than The Smiths and The Misfits combined. Go check out The Smithsfits on Soundcloud!

Steely Dan Sucks

 

Steely Dan Sucks

Listen up, Danfans. You’ve been wrong and you always will be wrong until the moment you admit that liking Steely Dan is the audio equivalent of enjoying the smell of your own farts.

Steely Dan sucks.

Nothing about this is as interesting as you think it is. You might as well track down the studio musicians who make all the Goldman Sachs elevator muzak and pretend like they’re the greatest thing ever because that is literally all this is.

By the way, never let yourself be alone in a room with someone whose favorite band is Steely Dan. Trust us.

The Beastie Boys Suck

 

The Beastie Boys Suck

The Beastie Boys not only suck but are also perhaps the single most annoying gimmick in music history. It is jaw-dropping that this made-for-frat-boys cultural theft happened and that critics somehow fell in love with it.

It’s as if three people were sitting around wondering how stupid any single musical act could possibly be and this is what they came up with. If that’s what happened, wow, they nailed it. It doesn’t get much worse than this.

More like The Bullshit Boys.

Fleetwood Mac Sucks

Fleetwood Mac Sucks

Fleetwood Mac is a trash fire.¬†Nobody even really likes this crap, they just think they remember liking it. Revisit those “classic” Fleetwood Mac albums for lessons in trash songwriting, hilariously bad singing and probably the worst production ever heard in a #1 album.

Is it any wonder a band full of terrible people made terrible music?¬†Lindsey Buckingham apparently never recovered from being named “Lindsey” cuz this beta dude is the definition of fragile masculinity. The perfect creative force for a band full of drug-addled narcissists who can’t stop screwing each other and screwing each other over.